she was so not down for the gang bang
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
