just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
