Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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