Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
