One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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