It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
