mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
