its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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