I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
