you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
