so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
