If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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