You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
