he wants to bone in the snuggie
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
