shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
