they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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