I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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