I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
