someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
