I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
