I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
