He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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