Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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