drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize