Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
