Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
