After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
