Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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