Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
