My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
