id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
