the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
