it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
