Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
