you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
