I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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