Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
