Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
