doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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