May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
