I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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