Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
