good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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