I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
