yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Cold hands, warm shart.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the day after is always just damage control
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
