I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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