Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
