I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
