I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
