apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
