Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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