Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
