HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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