put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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