too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
