its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We have so much sex to catch up on
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize