operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
