Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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