I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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