I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
