if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
