D3 body, D1 cock
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
