i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize