All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
