My hand turned me down
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
