There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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