Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
