Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
