Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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