Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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