Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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