I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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